My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
