some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
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Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
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