Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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