woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I have post one night stand depression
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
