apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
