its not stalking. its research.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
