I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
