singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
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