i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
