if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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