Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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