ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
