Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize