My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
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