About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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