just come out here and I will go home with you...
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
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