I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
