you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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