My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
