guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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