fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
