I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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