it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Randomize
