Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Randomize
