Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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