It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
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