It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
they're like a gay fantastic four
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
