but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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