wakey wakey hands off snakey
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
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