She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
