Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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