i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
