There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
