I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
