i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
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