Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Randomize
