One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Randomize
