he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Soap is not a condiment
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
