Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
