You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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