My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
