wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
