I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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