Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Randomize
