What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
