Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Randomize
