For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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