haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Randomize
