Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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