i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
