Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
