Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize
