dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes