a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Randomize
