I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.