My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook