The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Swine flu. Run for my life!
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
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