I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
