Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
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You coming home soon, man?
We just shotgunned beers for America
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
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Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.