I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
She made me pour olive oil on her.
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