Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
