I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
