If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
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