Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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