he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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