false alarm. still invincible.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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