I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
