I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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