I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Randomize
