making cat noises will not fix the situation.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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