babies were throwing up all over the place
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
