my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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