i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
