I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
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