I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Randomize
