Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
It's official drugs can't kill me
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
