I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
