When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
