if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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