Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
pop tarts are not kleenex
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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