Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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