two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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