Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
