She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
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Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
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