Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
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