Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
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