I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
