Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
