You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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