I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Randomize
